Suddenly

I suddenly realize why I hate falling for guys so much. I've been pulled through this gut wrenching pain all night and now morning and all day today and all day tomorrow. And it's going to continue until I meet someone to take my mind off of it. It hasn't worked out all week (just talking on the phone for fucking hours which...idk..i guess thats good but its all we have going..besides DRIVING EACH OTHER CRAZY BUT NOTHING HAPPENING BECAUSE HE WON'T DO ANYTHING YET ugh its pissssssing me off and I want to give up so bad)

Getting hit on while DRIVING on the parkway kinda cheered me up. Hahaha all because of a bumper sticker. "YO CUTIE, CAN I GET YO NUMBA? WE FROM NEW YORK AND WE LUHHH DA JETS TOO" bahaha didn't give it to him, but got his. NEVER going to call. Got invited to a show down in DC...didn't go.

I've decided alll of spring break is going to consist of fun fun fun. I'm going fucking clubbing, hookah-ing, etc. I'm going to take short day drips to the beach. Yeah. I'm not staying at home. Granted I work a lot..well not really..but I work a couple days, but theres only like 2 days where I couldn't do anything.

I've been re-deciding about Shenanadoah but I don't want to say that because I think it's because of him...I'm GOING to be happy. I have to.

Miserable

I just HAD to remind myself why I can't fall for a guy.
He's having me rethink Shenandoah again but I know I gotta go there. I only live 45 minutes away so it something SHOULD happen for some incredible reason, I only live that far. All breaks, weekends, etc. I could come visit. Hell, we would do better than James and Jenn who live HOURS away. I myself don't even know what I want out of it yet, but I know he's driving me crazyy out of my mind (and I know when I see him I do the same to him...unintentionally but still). I hope Stephen freaking texts me back cause I reallllly want to work tomorrow. I gotta get out of the house. And I hope Bria wants to leave early Saturday so I can stay longer. I want him so so so bad I'm hoping maybe something will happen Saturday...if I can convince him. Psh I wish he wasn't so busy either cause I LOVE talking to him and so far, only that one day has happened. Gahhhhh! We were SUPPOSED to do somethin Tuesday but that failed on his part. So IDK the way things are going I wouldn't think anything is going to happen, but I can hope and pray that something does beacause I know I wouldn't be feeling this if it was wrong. <33

Mike and I had lunch yesterday. Chipotleee. And then went to Hollywood video to rent a vampire movie (and he GOT one). So my English research paper shouldn't be hard at all. Awesomee. :]

Birthday

Soooo I'm finally 18.
But it's so bittersweet.
Getting a tattoo either Friday night, early Saturday, or early Sunday.
Can't decide what day.
I want to get two. My parents are paying for one, and I'm paying for another.

:]

Sooo Mike ended up getting me a birthday card and present. Ahahaha for a guy it wasn't half bad. The card was funny and the present was awesome.

I'm so amped for Shenandoah you wouldn't even know. I've met some pretty awesome kids and I think that I'm lucky for what I'm getting. I used to get frustrated because I've done some really really incredible things for people, worked hard my whole life, and gotten through a lot. I would always think selfish thoughts like 'when is life ever going to get easy for me?' because honestly, life has NEVER been easy, even as a child! I grew up when I turned 10 and I'm not going to talk about the details. But I've done a lot of growing up and I've worked hard and long and I think this is what I've been working so hard for. My school, my new friends, my degree. Everything is finally setting into place and I don't think it could get better.

And for once, just once, I don't want this to turn sour.

47th

Ugh. I suck. Its official.
47th violist in the state.
Whatever, Ray didn't even try out.
Mrs. Martin loves me. :) I love her too.
I have so much to say but I cant say it